Saturday, July 18, 2009

War Vs Peace

Since my post, Happy V Sad, I've been conducting some more search engine battles, aka time wasting trials. Just search two words or phrases and see which is more popular. First I tried some phrases, the kinds of things I think people like to confess on-line -

'I'm so bored' V 'I'm so busy'
Being bored seems to be something that people like to complain about and being busy is something busy people love to tell you that they are, so I think this might be close and it is. 'I'm so bored' is the winner but only just, at 489,000 hits, to 'I'm so busy' at 453,000. But the results that I read were equally boring and it makes you wonder, if all the busy people are really so busy, how do they have time to complain about it on the internet?

'I'm so fat' V 'I'm so ugly'
'I'm so fat' gets 42 million and 'I'm so ugly' only gets 17 million, so fat beats ugly, but ugly is definitely more interesting. A teenage girl has written to an advice column called, 'I find myself looking in the mirror and wondering why I have to be so ugly and have such an ugly body when all my friends are pretty and have nice bodies. Why was God unfair to me like this?' The answer she gets is, 'If being good looking is important to God, then Jesus Christ would have been a real hunk, right? But he wasn't. In Isaiah 53:2, Jesus was described this way: "In our eyes there was no attractiveness at all, nothing to make us want him." Jesus wasn't good looking, yet he rocked the world because he walked with God.'
Yeah, good point.

'I just got married' V 'I just got divorced'
Married people love to show off their wedding photos and wedding presents and lifetime supply of happiness, so I thought this was a pretty fair fight, but 'married' gets 31 million and 'divorced' gets 145 million. Turns out divorced people have a lot on their minds. This search took me to a site that sells divorce gifts and greeting cards. For 5 US dollars you can get a pack of novelty alimony cheques printed with, 'Pay to the Lying Selfish Whore, Cold Heartless Bitch and Cause of all my Pain, in the Amount of Every Last Friggin' Cent.' They also sell Ex-Husband Voodoo Dolls that come with 25 pins.

'I love my job' V 'I hate my job'
This genuinely surprised me, 'I love my job' got just over a million hits and 'I hate my job' only got 332,000. The number one result for both searches was a site called, which offers 'inside information about the jobs and employers we love and hate'. I only spent a few minutes at this site but there wasn't a lot of love going around. Just for the hell of it I searched 'blowjob' and got 35 million results. Quelle surprise as the French say.

Then I moved on to the big issues -

War V Peace
I know this is not a fair match, war is loud and proud and peace is quiet and hard to find, so the result is no surprise, war gets 579 million hits, peace only gets 204 million. War kicks peace's ass.

Jesus V Obama
I thought this was going to be a good fight with an advantage to Jesus because he's been around for so long and his fans are so famously enthusiastic, but no, Jesus gets 168 million and Obama gets 215 million. Obama really is bigger than Jesus.

God V Science
For someone who may or may not exist, God gets a lot of hits at 387 million. Also someone has taken the domain name It's a Christian website that promises to answer such pressing questions as 'Why are there so many religions and which one is right?' That was posted last year but still no answer. Anyway science beats God by more than 300 million hits.
So I guess that's the end of that old argument.

Sex V Love
It's the internet, it has to be sex. But no, 'sex' gets 654 million results and 'love' gets a massive 1 and a half billion, bigger than war, sex and Jesus combined. I think Jesus would be happy about that.

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